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Stalwarts of Daily Life
Government - Newspapers - TV & Radio
Government
Conservatives - the right. Labour - Left to middle. Liberals - originally the left, but now the middle-left. Though what Americans call 'left' is somewhere in the middle of the right for us.
Quick Guide to terms
MP - Minister of Parliament - who a voting area, or 'constituency' votes for in local and general elections. Normally represents a major party, though you do get independents. In the House of Commons, the majority of these will never see the power that is a cabinet post and are known as 'backbenchers', there to add numbers to any political vote. In the old days, MPs often had titles, which was why the houses were split between Commons and Lords when more untitled people were voted in as political candidates.
PM - Prime Minister - the Queen's first minister or adviser. For the last few hundred years, the one with all the power. Head of his political party. Can be booted out of office by the rest in the middle of a term, as you vote for the party, not the person.
House of Lords - gradually having power removed from them, but this used to be the main seat of power. You have to have a title to get in. Tends to work as a stop-gap to some of the nuttier policies of the Commons, but also tends to be heavily conservative and set in its ways. Also where political parties put their ex PMs to get them out of the commons.
House of Commons - you have to be voted in as an MP, and you're not allowed in to vote if you have a title. (observation is fine) Theoretically the 'commoners', basically the middle class with some working class mixed in. The main seat of power and where policy gets discussed and set out.
Downing St - number 10 is traditionally the house of the Prime Minister, and Number 11 the Chancellor of the Exchequer.
Cabinet - board of MPs in the ruling party who make the policies. Appointed by the PM. The Shadow Cabinet is its equivalent within the main opposing party, so you get titles like 'The Shadow Foreign Minister'.
Chancellor of the Exchequer - decides the financial matters. Second in power to the Prime Minister, resonsible for the budget. Often most likely to stab the PM in the back.
Deputy PM - has other duties, but the position was invented in the last thirty years or so to replace an older one.
Whips - people used by the party to make sure the MPS are toeing the party line on any issue.
Mayor of London - fairly powerful position concerned with day to day stuff like transport and other things. Clashes regularly with govt. Used to be Ken Livingstone, now Boris Johnson. Who is mostly known for being an etonian twit who cycles, but everyone was so tired of Ken.
Quick run-down of power + chances of getting into govt :
Conservatives / Tories - ruled for eighteen years from 1979 onwards, went more and more crazy and ridiculous, (to the point where we were getting weekly stories of corruption, screw-ups, and MPs dying as a result of S&M games. I kid you not. The morning the radio had news of a Conservative MP found dead in women's underwear, orange in his mouth, bin liner over his head was a memorable one.) shot themselves in the foot for getting in again anytime soon, at least while the people who grew up under the Conservatives have fresh memories. The main policy of the Conservatives is to get into power.
Labour - ruling party, drifting towards middle England to stay in power. Most of us feel they're twats, but they're better than the Conservatives. A bit. They've also confirmed the idea most of us formulated under the Conservatives that all politicians are the same and never keep their promises. Gordon Brown took over from Tony Blair in summer 2007 after a pre-agreed shuffling off with vague grace point of ten years. (it's better than being stabbed in the back like Thatcher)
Liberals - (Liberal Democrats, or Lib Dems) Most level-headed, but not enough support to get into power at the moment. Views and policies scare Middle England. Plus they may be the most level-headed as they haven't been in power in donkey's years. Run a lot of local town councils and fairly good at that. (If you're writing historical, these were the Whigs. Labour was formed in 1893 to be the party of the working class and pretty much replaced the Liberals as the leftist party by the 20s.)
Monster Raving Loonies - the only ones you can really trust. Headquarters is a pub. Several of their policies have been put into law over the years.
Greens - ecological.
Respect - essentially, the splitters party. Tiny. Good at making a fuss and getting everyone else to eyeroll.
UK Independence - frightened of Europe. Apparently some truly fucking scary people in it, been known to scare off far-right wingers. As far as we can tell, they appear to be the part of the BNP with brains and organisation.
BNP, or British National Party - frontmen for the National Front, the British version of white supremacist Nazis. Such *nice* people. Thugs, keep putting their foot in their mouths.
Newspapers
Broadsheets
(small note. The Times and Independent have recently become tabloid-sized but much thicker but are still known as broadsheets due to being serious papers)
The Times - mainstream serious newspaper. Mostly in favour of whoever's in govt. at the time. Unless they're being prats. *Never* referred to as 'The London Times'. Ever. This was the original, therefore no extra explanation needed.
Independent - independent, mostly liberal paper with brains. Not as high a circulation as it should have as it doesn't tend to be reactionary.
Guardian - Leftie, arts-driven paper read by people in media and arts. Nicknamed the Grauniad due to its occasional bad spelling. Used to be known as the Manchester Guardian due to being produced there, has since moved its HQ to London.
Daily Telegraph - Conservative, v. widely read as it's distributed free on long-distance trains.
Financial Times - Some news, read by the money men as it's nearly all business. Distinguishable at long distances as printed on pink paper.
Tabloids
Almost all reactionary and rabidly conservative in their views, just telling you that so I don't have to repeat it. More likely to have tons of 'human interest' than news, eg. 'Love Rat Cheated on Me With Teacher's Sister'. And pictures of the latest celebs with very little on.
The Sun - highest circulation paper in the UK.
The Daily Mail - right wing bastards, some truly weird double standards. No tits, just to distinguish itself even further.
Daily Mirror - campaigning leftie. Also no tits.
The Star - Utter trash and proud of it.
The Express - A Tabloid.
The Sport - Utter trash, highest percentage of nude women in a paper made from newsprint.
Evening Standard - London's local paper, mostly leaning toward the tabloid, several editions a day. Mentioned here due to widespread readership and ability to report on gaffes quickly. The free morning equivalent, distributed on the tube and stations around London, is Metro, which has since extended across the country with regional variations. The free evening papers (more tabloid and content-free) in London are London Lite and The London Paper. Half of the last two are debated to celeb snaps, fashion and reviews of what's going on that night.
Of note : The Economist - Weekly serious news commentary magazine.
Heat - gossip mag, with added fashion and tv. Where to get your dose of Big Brother and paparazzi photos. Not the only one, just the most famous.
TV and Radio
Okay, first, I need to explain a few things : British tv and radio is split into three categories : the BBC (All-powerful organisation, no adverts, funded by the taxpayer and the massive amounts of royalties they get from other sources like books, teletubbies, etc), commercial stations and Sky (Rupert Murdoch's playground).
BBC stations are torn between the original charter of providing quality thoughtful stuff, and rampant populism. They were put on this earth by divine treaty and are therefore allowed to turn their noses up at everyone else. Sadly, this is often true...
Commercial stations : rampantly populist, but allowed to produce the quality stuff when they feel like it. Also tend to produce more regional programmes.
Sky : Rupert Murdoch's playground, supplier of most of the pay-per-view stuff, and relies on a mix of American imports, really stupid gameshows and sex for its main channel, Sky One, but the flagships of it are the sports and news.
Radio
(BBC numbered radio is national)
(BBC) Radio 1 - pop music. Also has specialist rock, rap and so on programmes in the evenings. Home of John Peel (RIP), oldest pop music geek on the planet.
(BBC) Radio 2 - slightly mellower pop music. Specialist programmes for musicals, jazz, and so on evenings and weekends. For those not fond of the top 40, so it's basically once you've settled down. Most-listened to station in UK.
(BBC) Radio 3 - Classical music, but for the hardcore, for those who feel that you have to listen to the whole Ring Cycle to appreciate it properly.
(BBC) Radio 4 - Talk. The original radio station, used to be known as the Home Service. News, plays, Woman's Hour, strange and arcane comedy shows, financial stuff, The Archers, the shipping forecast... it goes on.
(BBC) Radio 5, aka Five Live - News, discussion and live commentary on sports matches.
Classic FM - Popular classical music. Also good for background and responsible for Charlotte Church.
Jazz FM - most likely to be piped into coffee bars. Soothing background music, often soul and jazz-oriented.
Capital FM - pop music for London and home counties.
Virgin Radio - commercial Radio 2, London and further out.
There's a lot more, and local stations, for some reason, have odd names. However, they're mostly indistinguishable as they're owned by the same people. The accents and the adverts change. Nearly all pop music with a bit of talk. Such names as Galaxy, 2-ten, Fox FM and so on abound.
Also available are many, many digital stations, with something for everyone, and the local BBC talk stations (eg BBC Radio Berkshire), which are kind of like Radio 4 but local.
TV
We have terrestrial and we have satellite/cable/digital. Everyone has to pay for a tv licence, even if you never watch the BBC or terrestrial. The licence fee pays for the BBC, many try to dodge it, and they run regular adverts to scare people who don't pay it into paying it. Interestingly enough, if you have a black and white tv you pay less. For a full list try Radio Times or Sky and click on 'tv guide'.
Terrestrial
(This is being added to by Freeview, which are cable channels available for free with an extra box.)
BBC 1 - pretty much everything, attempts to be more quality than the rest.
BBC 2 - Arts, comedy, and Open University in the wee hours.
ITV - Populist to its core. Saturday night game shows, soaps, Pop Idol, Sunday night cosy drama, detective shows, and things like Hornblower and Sharpe.
Channel 4 - used to be the intelligent, risk-taking artsy channel. Now still has a bit of that, but is most likely to be known as the home of Big Brother and Friends, Frasier, Will and Grace, etc.
Five - Used to be the movies, sport and sex channel, sheer trash. These days known for intelligent arts and documentaries, the occasional film and quality US imports. (where to find the Shield, CSI, Law and Order, etc)
iPlayer - a fabulous service provided by the BBC where you can watch most of their programs for a week after they're shown in small format if you have broadband on your computer.
Soap Operas - almost all depressive and working class, very gritty, featuring much sitting around in pubs and no glamour unless it's cheap and tarty, pretty persons rare.
The Archers - on radio 4, after the 7 o'clock news. Been going since 1951. Set in the farming village of Ambridge. Semi-sacred. Most likely to be cause of silence in kitchen due to irate family members who will tolerate no interruptions. Doctor will invariably end up with vicar.
Eastenders - set in the East End of London, around a square. (the Square, BBC) More murder than the national average, but surprisingly, less adultery.
Coronation Street - Manchester, longest running on tv, aired in 1960. (Corrie, the Street, ITV)
Emmerdale (previously Emmerdale Farm, ITV) - village in Yorkshire. High death rate.
Brookside - Housing estate in Liverpool. Most likely to be tackling major issues. Or at least sensational ones. First one with a lesbian kiss. Now finished. (Brookie, C4)
Pobol Y Cwm - Welsh. Think it translates as 'People of the Valley'. Shown on S4C. We know very little about S4C...
Hollyoaks - young people, middle-class, set in Chester. Most likely to be laughed at.
Crossroads - (daytime) set in a hotel in Birmingham. Second take on this as first one was notorious for having sets that wobbled if you so much as breathed on them. Still somewhat wooden. Has since finished, but still valid.
Neighbours - Australian, most amusing, lots of young persons. We watch it anyway. Where Kylie and Guy Pearce originated. Also see Home and Away.
Casualty - Hospital drama set in the Accident and Emergency Dept of Holby General (fictional). Has sister Holby City set in the surgery dept. Bets taken on which patient featured is going to die by the end of each episode.
The Bill - Police, Sun Hill station in London. Murder/kidnapping/affairs currently spiralling.
Satellite/Cable/digital
Mostly got through Sky, Virgin or NTL, with differently priced packages. The lowest priced will get you the basics of the normal channels, then with the music channels, then the sports premium, etc. If you have Virgin, you can't get any of the Sky channels because Sky charges more for its channels than Virgin is willing to pay.
A lot of people get their internet and phone connection in a package with their cable.
Sky One - US imports, sex, and trash tv.
Sky News and BBC News 24 - the 24 hour news channels.
E4 - US imports, teen magazine programmes.
BBC 3 - Comedy and yoof
Dave - QI, Top Gear, Blackadder - it caters to a specific audience.
Then we have Discovery, Disney, Paramount, Animal Planet, National Geographic, Nickelodeon etc.
Freeview
A subset of the digital section, but if you have a box, you don't need to pay extra for these. List available here.
Pay-per-view - the movies and sport
Mostly Sky, couple of other film and so on channels, but the roster is for the most part Sky Sports 1-2-3-4 and Sky Movies 1-2-3-4 because they got there first and are infinitely richer and more likely to pay silly amounts for the rights.
Music
MTV and variants - your usual
Kerrang - Rock music
VH1 - oldie and proud of it.
Magic - sappy, middle of the road and proud of it. The place to go when you and mates are pissed at 3am and want to laugh at soft focus power ballads.
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